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I’m both enormously sick and hard at work trying to pull myself out of the huge pile of work I’m buried in, so here are some thoughts I’ve picked up on dating and smashing Filipino girls for the past month. Yes, in a good number of cases, all you need to do is show up and not be a weirdo to get the pussy.But Filipinas are far from stupid; they’re cunning and have their own share of stupid head games they play.English is one of the official languages of the Philippines, learning it is mandatory in schools, and the government favors it when it comes to written documentation.

There’s no reason to make things hard on yourself by trying to screw a girl who isn’t smart enough to count to ten in a language she was Half the girls here dream of being married to a white guy, and when she tells her family she’s dating a foreigner, they practically high-five each other.

For example, as I found out the hard way, Filipinos don’t say “o” in place of “zero” in spoken English when it comes to long numbers (ex: if you read off “103” as “one oh three,” many Filipinos will have no clue what you’re talking about; you have to say “one three” or “one hundred and three”).

While most of the girls I’ve known send typo-filled English texts, I can understand them easily, and we can have conversations where I display my wit and wisdom. Attempting to woo them over a cup of coffee will be torturous because they won’t understand you say.

It’s nowhere to play with men is the last minute meeting change-up.

It goes like this: you’ll start texting her, she’ll agree to meet you at place X, but then an hour before you meet, she’ll suddenly text you asking to meet at place Y instead because it’s “closer.” This is despite the fact that she had no problem meeting you at place X the night before.

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For example, the first time a girl tried this on me, we had agreed to meet at a coffeeshop that was just up the street from my house in downtown Davao.

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